


War and Love

by justlieforme



Category: K-pop, f(x)
Genre: F/F, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 05:44:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8089759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justlieforme/pseuds/justlieforme
Summary: Secretly joining the army as a woman, that seemed like the biggest problem she'd have in her life. Falling for a beautiful wartime singer-that definitely wasn't part of the plan. Lunber fic set in WWII.





	

She’d patrolled this street about seven times already today. That’s all she was meant to do. Patrol. Monitor. Just walk by and instill fear in the civilians she passed. That’s all she did. For now.

 

Some days she’d have a partner, and others she didn’t, today being one of those days. At times she’d find it lonely, but also grew to enjoy the silence, the freedom, an ironic way to describe a time of war.

 

Her chest felt tight against its binds, as it always did at the end of the day, though she was more just used to it by now. It was just a part of life, her life, that had turned out the way it had, with her pacing the streets of this new and unknown city with her dead brother’s name stitched across her chest.

 

Day in day out, she was running on automatic. Completing her duties, heading to the hostel, washing up as fast as she could and changing in a hidden room. She had nothing else.

 

Sitting in the nearby nightclub with a glass of something in her hand, it was at least something else to do. At least.

 

The entire place was filled with soldiers, a surprising mix of both Korean and Japanese. It was loud and busy. The smell of cigar smoke wafted within the room, leaving for no breathable air to remain.

 

On stage was some woman singing, a flock of desperate and deprived men cheering at her feether feet. Amber didn’t pay much attention to that, barely noticing when the announcer introduced the next singer, until suddenly, _she_ was on the stage.

 

Her head snapped in an instant, her eyes landing on the source of the beautiful sound that began to fill the room. It seemed impossible that a voice of that beauty could from a body just as much, yet clearly it wasn’t. Amber inched closer, unable to stay back as she just needed to see more.

 

She was a woman in every sense of the word. Unlike herself, she was petite, small, her feminine body shaped by gentle curves just barely revealed by her modest dress. Stunning wasn’t an adequate way to describe her.

 

Her eyes were closed as her voice carried the song, a famous classic that she had heard many times before, yet never like this. She captivated the song, claimed it, made it her own. The passion, the sorrow, the emotion in her words as she hit each note, it was as if she were the song itself. Only a life of painful suffering could create something like that.

 

Wolf-whistles and cheering as the set eventually came to an end snapped her out of her reverie. The shy yet crowd-pleasing smile she flashed as she bowed with her head down was worth a thousand words. In an instant, she was gone, and Amber returned to that club every other night this week.

 

It was wrong, she knew it, but it was already too late. She couldn’t deny it any longer. That burn in her chest, that flutter in her stomach, those shaky hands when she merely thought about the mysterious woman she saw on stage, there was no other way to explain it.

 

She was heading back, having just seen a third performance, her walk causing her to pass the back of the club. Only a few moments it took for her to register the scene before her, and only a second more for her to sprint into the alley.

 

“Don’t touch her!”

 

The two men, soldiers she had never seen before, turned their heads toward her, sick smiles spread on their faces.

 

“And why should we?”

 

“Let her go.”

 

“Want her for yourself, do you?” One of them had their hands clutching her shoulders, shoving her back into the brick wall.

 

“She’d make a great one, don’t you agree?” The other man chided in, his hand coming to stroke her trembling head, dirty fingers against her cheek. She flinched.

 

“Let go of her. Immediately,” Amber stepped forward, steely eyes boring into theirs, “I won’t say it again.”

 

“And what’ll you do if we don’t?”

 

She moved closer and the other man laughed drunkenly, shoving the small woman harshly towards her so that she hit her chest, “Have her then.”

 

They stalked off, stumbling against each other until they finally disappeared from view. Amber glanced down, trying to meet her eyes.

 

“Are you...are you okay?” she asked, her head craning down as she avoided her gaze. She was shaking and took in a deep breath, nodding her head in response.

 

Amber caught sight of her small purse lying on the ground and bent down to retrieve it, dusting it off.

 

“Tell me where you live,” Amber touched her shoulders, pulling away when her eyes visibly widened, “I’ll take you home.”

 

The gravel crunched against their feet, few other sounds audible at this time of night. She’d barely said a word and Amber could hear her shivering breath despite the warm breeze of the summer night.

 

They kept walking until they reached her door, its location a small edifice with peeling paint. That was when she finally spoke.

 

“Th-thank you for everything.”

 

“Of course,” Amber replied quickly, shortly, taken aback from the weak sound of her voice, a stark contrast from on stage. There was a moment of silence before she added, “It’s my duty to protect.”

 

“Yes, o-of course, Private..” She was looking at her feet, her eyes rising to her name that she had to squint to read.

 

“Liu. My name is Am-” she caught herself, “Jonathan Liu.”

 

The small woman nodded, bringing a piece of black silky hair behind her ear. “Park Sunyoung,” she managed, looking down at the ground again, “My name is Park Sunyoung.”

 

The glanced up and their eyes met. Hers were dark, a deep color with hues of honey. They managed to hold a steady gaze as they watched each other. It wasn’t the best idea, but Amber couldn’t help but stare. She was in absolute awe and her heart still ached at the fear she'd seen in those beautiful eyes, the pain that still remained.

 

As if on its own, her hand rose to the cheek the other man had swiped earlier, gently brushing away at the dirt that remained. Sunyoung’s breath hitched and her mouth opened in surprise just as Amber quickly pulled her fingers away. She  bowed to her, knowing she had to leave, and Sunyoung placed her hand on the handle of the door.

 

“Have a good night, Miss Park,” she said before stalking away, fingers still tingling from the touch.

* * *

 

“Excuse me! E-excuse me!” Amber froze when she heard a voice, that voice, coming from behind her. She spun around and surely enough, it was her, Sunyoung, running towards her, her hand on her head to keep her hat from flying off.

 

She was on duty, patrolling a part of town that happened to be near where she had dropped Sunyoung off nights before, a little fact she had tried to ignore, though struggled not to.

 

Sunyoung stopped when she was directly in front of her, her breathing ragged after her impromptu run.

 

“You-you haven’t been to the club in a while,” she panted, straightening out her coat and brushing a few strands of hair out of her face, “I never got to properly thank you.”

 

_That’s because I’ve been trying to avoid you._

 

“Oh,” Amber stated, trying to stare too hard at her flushed cheeks as looked at her, “I’ve been on duty most nights.”

 

“I see,” Sunyoung smiled shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she glanced at the ground, something she had done before, a nervous tick she seemed to have, the only difference today being the restored strength in the way she spoke. “Well I’m glad I was able to run into you. I’ve been wanting to repay you.”

 

“No, no, there’s no need for that,” Amber shook her head rapidly. “I was just doing my job.”

 

She couldn’t see her again. Not after watching her for nights at the club. Not after saving her that night. Not after even just briefly feeling her skin against her fingertips. Just seeing her like this, it made it so hard.

 

“Really, please, I just...I want to.”

 

And she couldn’t say no.

 

Sunyoung had told her to meet at the bridge at seven, and she’d gotten there ten minutes in advance. Being off duty, she came in her solid colored uniform, ditching the distinctive coat. She fixed her hair for the umpteenth time, chiding herself for doing so, for trying hard, for wanting to impress her. She couldn’t help it.

 

At seven o’clock precisely, Sunyoung arrived in a dress slightly different from before, her raven hair falling down in its usual waves. It was as if every time she saw her Amber’s mind had to remind her not to stare.

 

“Shall we go?” she asked, and Amber could barely find the words to reply.

 

Sunyoung was leading toward a part of town she'd never been. The city was still rather busy at this of night, noisy cars filling the roads. They were walking side by side, quietly, and Amber could catch the scent of her perfume with every breeze that passed. Every so often, she would glance towards her, as if checking if she was still there, and give her a small smile. Smile, something Amber had barely done in her time away from home, but being here with her now, it was something she couldn't stop doing. And it was bad.

 

Her eyes suddenly darted forward when she saw them, a large group of them-soldiers. Her arm instinctively reached out, grabbing Sunyoung’s arm and pulling her close.

 

“Why are you-”

 

“Just keep walking.”

 

As expected, the men then saw Sunyoung and whistles and catcalls soon followed.

 

“Oh, would you look at that over there!”

 

“Hey, sweetheart!”

 

“Why don’t you ditch the pipsqueak and come over here!”

 

“Ignore them,” Amber whispered and Sunyoung leaned in closer, the two of them briskly passing them.

 

“Okay,” she nodded and the two of them continued to walk, going for a few paces until the men were finally far behind them. Amber's hand was still holding her arm, the warmth of Sunyoung’s body still pressed against her. It had been long enough and was probably enough time for her to let go, with great reluctance, she let her go.

 

“I’m sorry about that,” she muttered sheepishly, her hand snapping back to her side.

 

“It’s fine,” Sunyoung said softly, “Thank you.”

 

It had only taken a bit more walking until they reached it.

 

A school. She had taken her to a school, a university, that is.

 

It was a full moon that night, by what felt like a stroke of luck, Amber believed. The garden they had come upon, the location she had brought her to see, it was illuminated in the moonlight. Sunyoung led her down the cobblestone path, between the span of growing grass, to a gazebo in the center of the field. Her heels clicked against the wood as she stepped in and she sat down on the bench inside, gesturing for Amber to do the same.

 

Her arm was resting against the side of the structure as the moonlight danced across her features.

 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Sunyoung’s soft voice spoke, a near dreamy smile on her face as she continued to gaze upon the sight.

 

“Extremely beautiful.” And Sunyoung turned, meeting her eyes that were only staring at her. She opened her mouth to say something before deciding against it. Instead, she dropped her arm from where it rested and reached into her purse, pulling out two triangle kimbaps.

 

“Please, have one,” she held it out to her and their hands brushed as she took it.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Luna watched as she tentatively took a small bite, pleased at her expression as she continued to eat more.

 

“How is it?”

 

“Delicious,” Amber said honestly, causing Sunyoung to smile, “Did you make this?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

They ate in a few moments of silence,the sound of crickets chirping loudly in the distance. It was calming to hear them. And surprising, really. Amber had missed the calming sounds of nature ever since she came to the city, the little garden feeling like an entirely different place, like an escape.

 

Being seated beside her, enjoying the food she'd prepared just for her, it made her heart race, just beating faster at the new and unknown feelings deep within her that grew in strength every time they met. They'd finished their food before conversation picked up again.

 

“For how long have you been in service?” Sunyoung asked.

 

“About a year.”

 

“Are you from Gyeongseong or-”

 

“Daegu,” she answered shortly, “My family's in Daegu.”

 

“Oh.”

 

She hadn't said anything more and her silence prompted Amber to hesitantly ask,“Wh-what about you?”

 

“Oh, I'm just from here…” she trailed off, fingers picking at a spot in her dress.

 

“And your family?” she whispered, though the answer seemed nearly clear.

 

“My family?” The words fell softly from her lips, her gaze still facing down, “They're gone.”

 

Amber exhaled, wanting to reach out to the young woman as she'd turned her head, facing the garden once again. “I'm sorry.”

 

“It's okay,” she told her quietly, touching her hair again.“You know, my father used to take me here. With my sister...we'd come all the time.” She was smiling, almost, the sadness in her previous expression fading as she recalled the pleasant memory. “We’d sit just here and sing together. My father loved to sing.”

 

Amber nodded, wanting to get her to flash that smile again, “Just like you?”

 

“Where do you think I get it from?” she joked while her smile, the magical thing, appeared on her face again, much to Amber’s delight.

 

“You sing very beautifully, Miss Park,” Amber said, sincerity deep in her voice. There was something about being in her presence like this that prevented her from speaking with any shame, her emotions too raw, her heart dangerously on her sleeve.

 

“Tell me something about yourself.”

 

“What do you want to know?”

 

“Anything,” she smiled, “Everything.”

 

“There isn't much to say..” Amber shook her head, nervously rubbing the back of her neck.

 

“What do you like to do for fun?”

 

She was looking at her in that way, as if she had no option but to respond. So she did, talking about anything and everything. From childhood memories, to favorite novels, to stories about their families-they talked about everything.

 

After laughing at one particularly funny story however many hours later, they had fallen into a bit of silence sitting closer together, having moved towards each other at one point in the night. It had been so comfortable, so easy for her to just say everything she wanted and now, Sunyoung was close, so close so that Amber to see the blush that tinged her cheeks, the shadows her long lashes casted across her face.

 

It was easy to forget her secret, her identity that in an instant would ruin everything as she stared into her eyes.

 

Much to her surprise, Amber could see how her gaze eventually lowered to her lips. She couldn't help but do the same, taking in how inviting they were, tinged pink and parted slightly. She felt herself moving in, her mouth nearly closing the gap, when her senses finally kicked in.

 

_She's a woman. You can't do this._

 

Pulling away, she turned her head in the opposite direction, pretending to look at something in the garden and she shifted down the bench. “Lovely weather tonight, wouldn't you agree?” she asked, her head still turned as she fought to control her expression.

 

“Y-yes, uhh, it's really quite...nice out here,” Sunyoung stammered, barely able to hide the hurt in her voice, a look of dejection and confusion on her face.

 

They barely said anything else for the rest of the night, sitting quietly, inches apart on their wooden bench. Eventually, they decided to leave and  Amber escorted her home as she’d done before, returning to the hostel to lay in bed, regretfully playing the night’s events on repeat in her head.

 

There was no way she could see Sunyoung again. She wouldn't be able to control herself again.

 

It didn't help that Sunyoung was just really good at finding her.

 

“Liu!” She called her name only once, knowing there was no way she hadn’t been heard.

 

“Miss Park,” Amber nearly sighed, turning around to face her. She’d just gotten off duty, wanting to enjoy the night breeze as opposed to seeing all of the other men in the hostel.

 

“Are you on duty right now?”

 

“No, I’m not.”

 

“Then could we possibly..go for a walk?”

 

She’d been walking all day, yet disagreeing was no option.

 

“How was your day?” she asked, glancing towards Amber as they strolled beside the river bank, a slight breeze blowing their way.

 

“No different than others,” Amber stated, her hands tucking into her pockets as if to keep them from grabbing Sunyoung’s hand a few inches away.

 

“I see.”

 

There was an opening in the path and Sunyoung stopped when she reached it, whipping around so that they faced each other. She didn’t even hesitate to speak what was on her mind.“The truth is that...that I’ve been really wanting to see you.”

 

“Why would you?” Amber asked, watching her expression. She was noting every little detail of her face-her wide eyes, small nose, rosy cheeks. She was nervous, it was clear, and Amber could nearly sense what was to come. She had to stop her before it was too late, end things now before it became worse.

 

“Because I..I really...I enjoy spending time with you.” She stopped short when she watched Amber’s eyes shut, turning away from her.

 

“Miss Park.”

 

“You can call me Sunyoung-”

 

“No, I can’t!” she snapped, her eyes shutting tighter in frustration as well as fear. She didn’t want to see her reaction. She didn’t think she could handle it. “I don't think we should meet anymore.”

 

“Why are you saying that?”

 

“Because-”

 

“Why are you being like this?” Sunyoung exclaimed with anguish in her voice, “Why do you act all friendly then shut me out? Why can’t you just-”

 

“I think I should just go now.” Amber’s back turned towards her and she stepped forward to move away, Sunyoung’s hand reaching out to stop her.

 

“Please don’t leave,” she whispered, fingers curling around her upper arm. Though she could not see them, Amber could hear the tears in her voice, the desperation in her tone. She felt her take a step closer, their bodies nearly touching.

 

“I have to-”

 

“Jonathan, _please_ ,” she muttered, gripping her arm a little tighter, a sniffle indicating her tears began to fall, “Just talk to me.”

 

She couldn’t do this anymore.

 

“My name’s not Jonathan.”

 

Her hand slackened and her body moved back an inch. “What do you mean?”

 

She moved so they were facing each other again, the dim light of the moon revealing faint streaks of tears on Sunyoung’s cheeks. She looked away, taking a deep breath before meeting her gaze again.

 

“My name is Amber Josephine Liu,” she said, staring into a pair of worried eyes, “And I'm not a man.”

 

“What are-”

 

“I'm a woman,” she confessed and Sunyoung placed her hand over her mouth. Amber shut her eyes, grimacing at her reaction. “I'm so sorry.”

 

“How..how can..” She’d pulled her hand away, her brows furrowing together. She shook her head, taking a few steps to the side before turning back towards her. Her eyes scanned her face, as if to check for herself. She shook her head again, her bottom lip between her teeth. Amber watched painfully and only waited for her to speak again.

 

“Wh-why are you doing this?” she said so quietly, her eyes clouded with confusion, “Why did you lie?”

 

“I needed to join the army. My mother and grandmother...They needed the rations.”

 

Sunyoung didn’t respond, trying to rationalize her answer, her eyebrows still knit together in anger and confusion.

 

It was all over, Amber knew it. She  felt the need to at least conclude with an apology in attempt to ease her conscious, her guilt,  before they parted ways for good.

 

“I should have never deceived you in this way.”

 

“Deceiving me…” she trailed off to herself, deep in thought.

 

“I'm sorry. It was foolish to let my feelings get the best of me.”

 

“Feelings?” Sunyoung was staring at her and she knew she'd said something she shouldn't have. “You had..feelings? For me?”

 

Amber shut her eyes regretfully, “I’m sorry.”

 

“You, as a woman, had feelings for me?” she whispered, having to tilt her head up to look at her properly.

 

“I did and I'm sorry,” she admitted, her quiet voice laced with shame, head hanging low.

 

Sunyoung was watching her, scanning her features curiously, her mind racing in the many moments of silence that passed.

 

She looked at her, really looked at her and thought hard, thinking back to the way she’d been feeling since the first time they'd met. That feeling, that spark that had been collecting deep within her. Attraction-there was no other way to put it. She had been attracted to Amber, drawn to her.

 

Amber looked up, her face twisted with emotion, “I know it’s wrong.”

 

Sunyoung’s heart ached at the sight, at her sorrow-filled eyes.The pain she saw in them, it hurt. She didn’t like it.

 

In the pit of her stomach, that pull, that desire, even after knowing the truth, after knowing everything, hadn’t disappeared. It was still there. She turned away, her hands running through her hair.

 

“This is-this is just..” she muttered to herself. Amber watched as she paced, disgust no doubt running through her.

 

“Look, I-I’ll just go. You’ll never have to see me again.”

 

“No!” she protested, her head snapping towards her. “Don’t. Don’t go.”

 

Amber stopped, eyeing her curiously as she continued to move.“Why are you-”

 

She was silenced when Sunyoung suddenly came towards her, rising on her tiptoes and kissing her softly.

 

She pulled away as fast as it happened, falling back onto her heels so their faces weren’t as close anymore. Her fingers rose to her lips, her hand shaking slightly.

 

Sounds from the river were faintly coming from behind them and there was a strong gust of wind, causing a bit of Sunyoung’s waved hair to blow in her face. She didn’t move it away. Her eyes darted up to hers and Amber stared down at her. With a trembling with an unsure hand, Amber’s fingers rose to gently brush them away, the softness of her skin feeling like a shock to her fingertips.

 

Sunyoung’s warm body pressed firmly into hers and their lips were on each other’s again.

 

Her touch, her fingers coming to grip her shirt, moving to hold her side. Amber had to crane her head down due to her short height and hands did the same, one of them sliding to rest on her hip, her body lean and soft, a woman-like shape under the jersey-knit fabric of her dress.

 

Their lips began to move a bit more, mouths opening slightly as time went on.

 

Heading back to Sunyoung’s flat luckily didn’t take too long that night.

 

Her bed was in the center of the small room, the two of them nearly knocking over her little kitchen table as they went to it. Amber was pushed down onto it first and Sunyoung was standing in between her legs. Her hands were on either side of Amber’s face and she looked down at her thoughtfully for a moment when the pulled away. She kissed her again and let Amber pull her onto the bed.

 

She was seated up against the headboard, her dress recently discarded onto the floor while Amber was sitting across from her, still in her white undershirt and trousers. Sunyoung moved forward, walking on her knees, until her fingers were at the bottom of her shirt, lifting it off to reveal her tight bindings below.

 

She stared only for a moment before moving to unwrap it gently, her hands caressed the uncovered skin, squeezing experimentally. This was a woman in front of her, alright, and when their bodies were later freed of any articles of clothing that remained, that couldn’t have been more true.

 

Laying on her back, she thought of the stories she’d heard the stories before. The raunchy, dirty stories from women at the club. The pain they’d described, the feeling of being ripped apart, she soon realized that wasn’t what this was.

 

A sensation she’d never felt before, hands holding her, fingers circling her heat-this was nothing like that.

 

It was strange, it was new. A tightness collecting in her core, she barely knew how to breathe when the build up finally released. Not knowing what to do yet somehow knowing what to do, the rest of the night went on with exhaustion, warmth, and ecstasy. It was the best night of her life.

 

The amount of times Sunyoung had thought back to it, God, there were too many to count.

 

The two of them, their time, those brief moments they were able to share, had been torn from them in what had felt like a cruel instant.

 

In her bed, her tiny, creaking bed, they had laid on her last night. Amber had held her, her grip so tight, every part of her body could be remembered. It was like she was trying to memorize every bit of her, an imprint forever etched into the mind.

 

Sunyoung had wept against her, tears hot against her skin.

 

“I’ll be back,” she had tried to reassure her, kissing her forehead as she spoke so confidently about the future, something she had no way of knowing what it held.

 

“The war will be over and I’ll come back.”

 

But she didn’t.

 

After five long months, it happened. Hiroshima was bombed and the war was about to end. The entire country was itching in anticipation, the Japanese surrender being nearly made official. Rumors that it had finally been made were spread throughout the town. It was nearly over. It was almost done.

 

And then news of Nagasaki came. A second bomb was dropped and the war was finally over. Korea was free from Japanese rule.

 

Catching sight of that headline spread across every paper in the town, she fell to her knees. The city bursting in celebration around her, her small form was but a speck on the pavement she had fallen onto.

 

An atomic bomb.

 

She was gone.

 

Her feet had somehow taken her to that little garden, the moon as bright as it had been that night, and with her head falling limply into her hands, she cried. No photos to weep over, no possessions to hold a funeral-she had nothing left to hold onto.

 

She didn’t know where she found the strength to get up from her that day, and for the rest of the time that followed, there was barely any left.

 

By some gnawing reminder that she had to go one, she eventually made herself return to the club. And she’d sing. And then she’d go home. Eating, it was something she rarely did, and time continued to go on and she continued to wither away.

 

It was October 9, 1945. Two months had already passed.

 

She didn’t think her voice would be able to make any sound to perform, yet somehow it did. Her set was a compilation of love songs she was too broken to sing, but she did. The final song, she was able to dedicate it to her, in both her mind and her heart. With eyes closed, she sung to her every bit, every word. A tear or two had escaped her closed lids by the ballad’s end and she bowed to the applause when it was finally over. About to exit the stage, her foot was at the top step when she looked forward and froze.

 

Hands in her pockets and hair shorter than before, a figure was coming towards her. It couldn’t have been her, yet it so definitely was. The crowd had parted. Sunyoung hadn’t moved an inch.

 

She came to stand at the bottom of the steps, her eyes wide and watching her, not saying a word. Her head tilted to the side, arms stretched out.

 

Nearly falling back when she’d jumped, Amber was holding her up off the ground, arms clutching her shaking, sobbing body. She kissed her hair and breathed in deeply. “I told you I’d come back. I told you I would.”

 

And she really did.


End file.
